i can't stand, your shadow is too heavy to lift
i really only post when i have alot on my mind, so get ready, here it comes:
i have been obsessing over this one person and i don't really know why, but this i do know, it is not healthy to think about an ex-boyfriend (a relationship that you personally ended) at all. ever.
the fact of the matter is i can't stop. i have been trying. i even erased him out of my phone, thanks to my braing though, i remembered his number and still called him the other day. i'm ready to be done with this so i'm not going to call him anymore (even though i'm tempted too even this very second) and we'll see how that turns out. i don't need anyone right now but i just wish i could control myself in the mean time. boo to me. i'm an idiot. stupid idiotic brain.
can't wait for school to start.
departure time: right now
to here the days pile up with decisions to be made i'm sure all of them we're wrong
hard to believe all of this time has passed and i still have absolutely nothing to show for it, well, i lied. yes, i do have meaningless stories to tell and what's life without a few meaningless moments? sometimes that is all you have right? well that is all i have every second of every insignificant day, like take saturday for instance. i had been looking forward to saturday for a while because i'm beloved singing class happens to be on saturday mornings, but that is not the reason why. saturday was suppose to be the day that i would go see a show (reggae, very cool, my uncle sang and i knew the band from when i was a kid and they were all older guys who would come over every weekend smelling like an herbal substance) and then go bowling with a certain person (who's idea it was to go bowling in the first place!) that i haven't seen in a while. so saturday afternoon i get a call from this same person asking to reschedule for sunday because his mom wouldn't let him go (that has never stopped him before) so i was disappointed, yes, but i was alright just as long as we still had plans. so sunday morning i wake up around noon and lay in bed for about three or four hours waiting for this person to call me in order for me to pick him up and contintue with the formentioned plans. i never get a call so around six i decided to just go with my mom and i wish i could say i had a good time but i was so mad the entire time that i didn't even care, i couldv'e been doing anything at that point and i wouldv'e had the same emotion. now, IT'S WEDNESDAY(!) and have i received any calls from this person? i'll let you answer that one (if you couldn't guess, i haven't). this is probably the most mad i've been in a while and it is starting to depress me. aww boo. i'm going to try to sleep soon. oh and tony asked me to be his girlfriend a while ago i feel bad but you can guess what i said and the whole situation was very awkward and not pretty. i'm still single by the way. that deserves another boo.
emo
instructions.[1] click here--no, wait,
here.
[2] click on the "xmas" square.
[3] click on your pretty face. erm, arm.
[4] username + password will be e-mailed to your aol account.
-chuck-
...or eat limes...
when you're cut short of misery will you pray it be the end?
excuse this breif interruption i have to go number one.
alright, now that task is finished.
the show opens next week and going on stage now would be complete SUICIDE...suicide...suicide but i'm happy all the same. mostly because i'll be able to tranfer right after the shows are through but i don't mind being on stage all that much. i'm not sure how i'll feel about river city's stage though, laura's play is O-KAY but it didn't really have a point to it and it made me fall in love with shaun, well no i fell in love with willoughby, acutally i fell in love with shaun as willoughby but none of that matters now because i'll never get what i actually want in the end and the unsastisfaction is just that, unsatisfying.
now to change the subject in it's entirety (i spelled it wrong).
off the record, i don't suppose i'll ever find out who has been calling me playing songs over the telephone trying desperately to serenade me. it's working sure, but i still don't know who it is and the suspence makes me wonder if it is all just a horrible, horrible joke. no one who decides to waste thier time on me does it for any other reason than to make themselves feel better for making me confused.
another thing, i've gotten a kitten and it's "love scratches" aren't healing as well as i would've hoped and it's so CoooOOOOooold here which makes them burn like frost bite.
i'm too cold to type anymore, but my new love interest is tony. we'll see how that one turns out.
you left me here to fend on my own accord
so i'll be off to san fransisco in less than 48 hours or so to indulge in coheed, blood brothers, and various other lovers. i'm shaking to much from all the excitement to write much but i'd at least like to give a quick update.....i'm oh so very close to achieving my two-pack, the show is going by so slowly TOO SLOW, and i'm still behind on my homework.
love you
